Never to Love Me
by UreyEz13
Summary: He loved her, she knew. She loved him too, but was scared so she lied. After 6 yrs, will they see each other again... after all these years... will they be able to continue where they left off? [SS AU]
1. I Don't Love You

**Disclaimer: Yet another CCS fic and still I don't own anything…**

**A/N: This is suppose to be a original fic, but I think its better off as a CCS Fan fiction. Hope you like it too. Favor? Could you peepz tell me what's OOC? Thanks!**

**Summary:**

_He loved her, she knew.  
She loved him too, but she was scared…  
…so she lied about it.  
After six years, admitting that she was still in love with him…  
…she struggles to forget.  
After six years, they see each other again.  
After six years…  
…they will continue where they left off…  
Could they?_

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**Never to Love Me**

by: UreyEz13

**Prologue: I Don't Love You**

I woke up lazily and yawned as I stretched my arms. Yet another day of a life as _me_.

I got up and put on my house slippers then walked towards my mirror that held all my things from my combs and brushes to my medicine.

Yeah, I'm sick. Nothing serious, just asthma as far as I know, it barely attacks too.

I sat before the mirror and grabbed one of my brushes and brushed my shoulder length auburn hair. It was smooth since I just got up so it took no longer than thirty seconds to fix it.

Then I neared my face to the mirror and stared deep at my black. I hated them. I hated seeing them each and every morning of my life. It was the most dreaded thing in me as I see it. You see, my body was alright, not too thin not too fat, and the same goes with my height. In short, I should've been pretty without this ugly orbs.

I remember the day when they used to be green, beautiful emerald green eyes. Then, I used to think it is the only unique yet gorgeous thing in me but now, ever since those darn family Elders cursed me, they were long lost forgotten.

I stood up and grab my uniform of knee-length, loose, black skirt and white blouse with a little red ribbon to be tied underneath the collar. Not like those childish looking ones if that's what you're thinking.

I walked inside the bathroom and took a quick bath, changed to my uniform, went back to my mirror, fixed my hair in a half pony tail like I always do, and grabbed a pair of socks before exiting my petite by elegant room.

Oh yeah… my room.

It was nothing special. Just dirty white wallpaper with little white flowers and vines for design, a solo bed in old rose covers, my trusty mirror, a television, a mini stereo, a glass window at the other side of the room, and a bathroom with a shower and a bathtub on the other side right next to door.

Yup, nothing special…

And so I ran down the swirl of stairs and arrived at the dining table.

No one there. But I'm not surprised.

My mom and my dad goes to work early in the morning. Sometimes even before I get up. And my older brother's in college so he's in a dormitory now.

The maids brought in the breakfast and I ate just a single piece of toast, put on my black leather shoes, and headed to school on my bike. It was just a few blocks away so I didn't have to ride the bus. On the contrary, I really hated taking the bus.

I arrived ten minutes before the time like I always do. I placed some of my things on my locker and walked towards my classroom on the third floor of the building. I halted in front of room H314, which stood for Harui Hall Room 314. I enetered the room and the familiar noise of the class rang on my ears.

The truth is, I love hearing the noise. It makes me feel like I was really alive.

"Sakura-chan!" I heard the voice of my best friend call me.

Her name is Tomoyo. She has waist length, indigo hair and amethyst eyes. Unlike me, she's tall, but not lanky. She's energetic but secretive. Maybe that's what I liked about her.

I saw her running towards me, dodging some of my classmates along the way. By the looks of her face, I'll say she has something to say. She finally reached me and I forced a smile at her as soon as she sat down the empty chair beside me.

"Someone wants to talk to you outside!" she exclaimed in a loud voice, competing with the noisy surrounding.

"Dare?" I muttered tiredly, showing that I have no interest whatsoever to talk.

"You'll be surprised! C'mon!" it was all the answer she gave as she dragged me through the crowd and out of the door of the classroom.

"Hey," a familiar man's voice greeted me even before I could look up to see.

"I'll go inside okay?" Tomoyo excused herself and went back inside just when I was about to argue for her not to leave me. I know she intended to.

Since I had no more choice, I looked up slowly. I knew who it was already, no need to see the face. His voice had the familiar ring, so knew it was him. Nevertheless, I stared at his face, his amber eyes staring back at me with uneasiness and nervousness though he was putting on a confident face. He had this chestnut brown hair like no other and his well built body suite his tall image. In short, he was pretty handsome, and yet I know him… Funny…

"Um…" he started in his deep voice.

"Hai?" I replied, hoping to remove some of his nervousness. "It's weird that you wanted to talk to me," I remarked rather coldly. I didn't mean to though. I guess I just got used to the being cold thing.

Right then the loud bell rang, it was already the start of classes and he still hasn't said what he was about to. A part of me hated him for it.

"The bell… I'll go inside now," I simply told him as I begun to turn the knob.

"Aishteru…" the words rung in my ears.

I turned around, shock of what he just said. "Nani?" I asked, I wasn't just going to leave it like that, and at the back of my mind, I was hoping I simply heard it wrong. But what could he possibly have said to make it sound like it did? Still, I'm hoping.

"I said…" he started.

I held my breath.

"AISHTERU…" he said it again.

I was right. He did said he love me. And now I was nothing but shocked. For some reason I can't move, nor answer. This guy… he just said he love me… Honestly, I love him too. For years now, I do.

My heart suddenly started pumping real fast. I couldn't breathe. I knew I was becoming pale. My mind raced for an answer. But I was hesitating so much to say the right ones…

"Do you love me too?" he asked me when I took so long to answer.

I closed my eyes. Then I chuckled. For some reason, I chuckled. I let out a deep sigh and looked at him, smiling. He smiled back. Then, I turned towards the door and I gulped as hard as I could.

I finally found the right words to answer to him.

"Ie…" I whispered.

"What was that?" he asked, puzzled. Well, who wouldn't after all the laughing I did.

"I DON'T LOVE YOU…" I made the words clear as I entered the room and pushed the door close.

I hurriedly walked over to my seat. Thank God our teacher always came in late.

I recalled what I did and stared blackly into the wall right next to me. The words I don't love you came echoing back. Why did I answer that if I do love him?

Why?

Because I was scared.

I am scared.

All my life I was alone except for my friends who didn't really knew me. Opening a relationship with him just scared me. It really did. I just don't wanna get hurt more than I already am.

No…

I don't want him to get hurt… not me. I was hurting enough to last me a lifetime, and I had no intention in sharing it with him. He was the last person I wanted to share the burden I was carrying.

Honestly, I knew he loved me ever since. Weird, but I can see it through his eyes. And now that he finally found the guts to say it… I turned him down.

Oh what a liar you are… I told myself. Yet, it seemed right to admitt that I did lie. And now, I won't see him again.

Today was the last day before the recognition. He wasn't that smart to make it, so this will be the last day I'll see him. And since we're just in third year high school, you might say that we will still see each other next year right?

Well… no.

He is flying back to HongKong and he won't be studying here anymore. So technically, this is the last day.

………

Hi, I'm Kinomoto Sakura, and I blew my last chance with the one I love all because I am scared to get hurt, and to get him hurt… a coward to love. I'm fifteen years old and I live in Japan…yes, not that far from HongKong, but I can't do anything about it… this curse is holding me back… And I'm planning to keep it this way for the longest time.

I rather suffer alone…

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Did you like it? Please tell me you did. REVIEWS! Again with the favor... What's OOC? Thanks peepz!**


	2. This Time Around

**Disclaimer: I'm too poor to own CCS.**

**A/N: **_Thanks for the reviews guys! And For OOC. Out of Control? (Wonder when can you consider a fic an OOC one?) Thanks for everybody who told me that._

"Dialogues,"

_Thoughts_

_**New settings  
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**_Chapter 1: _This Time Around**

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_**March 14, Monday, 12:32 p.m.**_

**_Tomoeda Broadcasting Center (TBC) Production Office 4th Floor_**

"Here's the script Yamazaki-kun," Sakura handed a dark gray haired man with glasses a bundle of stapled papers. He was sitting in a blue revolving chair in a private office with pale blue wallpaper.

The man scanned the pages before turning to Sakura with a serious face.

"Is something wrong?" Sakura asked when the man stayed silent.

His glasses twinkled as a mischievous smile curled in his thin lips. Yamazaki laughed menacingly, leaning on the table.

Sakura, used to her so called boss' and friend's attitude simply smiled sheepishly as if she was the one being embarrassed with how he was acting. "I take it you liked what I did," she simply replied to the odd reaction.

"Liked it?" he echoed.

Sakura sweat dropped with a stammering chuckle. It was official, Yamazaki _loved _the work. And she was glad.

" I LOVED IT!" Yamazaki exclaimed the obvious. "This is a remarkable work yet again! You've never let me down Kinomoto-san," he flattered her even more.

Suddenly, the door banged open as an exhausted indigo haired girl entered the room.

"Here are my new sketches. You better give me a date for my fashion show or else I'm gonna strangle you!" the girl shouted though for a fact she was panting from all the running she did to get to the office.

"After I read Sakura's script Daidouji-san," Yamazaki told her playfully, which was responded with a loud growl from the amethyst eyed girl. "She _did_ passed the script ahead. First come, first serve."

"Just… be sure you scan them over this time!" she shouted.

"I'm… going…" Sakura managed to sneak in between all the shouting before she started for the door. "See you later Tomoyo-chan."

"You!" Tomoyo shouted like a wild boar.

"H-Hai?" Sakura stammered as she slowly turned around with a huge sweat drop on her forehead. It was amazing how long she had Tomoyo as her best friend and yet she still stammers whenever she acts all angry and… _wild_.

"Let's go have lunch," Tomoyo replied, her face now calm and sweet as she grabbed Sakura's arm and led them both out.

"Be sure to be back before 2:30!" Yamazaki shouted after them, barely before the door completely closed.

"Whatever!" Tomoyo still manage to shout right back. "It's official, _you_ are the best head _and _employee in this forsaken company!" she exclaimed as she and Sakura started to walk towards the elevator.

"No I'm not. You are," Sakura tried to pass the nice comments to her.

"Okay… we both are!" Tomoyo exclaimed, hitting the down button of the elevator.

Sakura simply chuckled. _Tomoyo-chan's still the same…_ she thought blithely as she stared at her best friend who was laughing menacingly like she usually did. _I wonder…_

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

_**March 14, Monday, 1:04 p.m.**_

_**Tomoeda Airport**_

"Okay, before anything else, what are we doing here again, Syaoran?" a red black haired girl asked the moment they got to of the airport. Her ruby eyes were tired and irritated and she was acting more like a child than a working 22 year old lady.

"Business Meiling," Syaoran replied cheerily. Unlike her, the chestnut brown haired gentleman was happy to be in Japan. He had been there before, actually studying and living there in his highschool years and couldn't be any happier he was back.

"And for how long will we be in this crappy place?" Meiling whined even more.

"For a year or two," Syaoran replied, his amber eyes still twinkling. "And it's _not_ a crappy place."

Meiling simply sighed at her cousin's interest. It was obvious that the 23 year old _man_ was excited to see the familiar places.

In a few seconds, their ride halted in front of them and they were glad, at least Syaoran was, to hop in.

"Let's have lunch," Syaoran suggested as soon as the last door closed.

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

_**March 14, Monday, 1:11 p.m.**_

_**Oriental Chinese, Tomoeda Mall**_

"How did you know about this place?" Tomoyo asked as she forked in the last piece of dumpling and at the same time amazed of how good it tastes.

"Let's just say I go out too much," Sakura simply replied with a small smile.

"Go out too much?" Tomoyo echoed as if it wasn't obvious enough what she had said. "You mean _sneak out _too much! With Touya-san guarding you? I don't think you could even try without the sneaking," she pointed out with an irritating grin.

"Hey!" Sakura shouted as if offended. "It's not like it's my fault I have an overprotecting brother at 23!"

"You have a point there," Tomoyo said plainly before signaling the waiter for the bill.

Sakura chuckled as she sipped the last of her pineapple juice, happy of how wonderful her time with her best friend was turning out to be. When her father died when she was eighteen, and her mother when she was twenty, she had nothing else left but her brother. _And yet Tomoyo never left me, _she thought gratefully.

"C'mon," Tomoyo's voice broke her trail of thoughts as the amethyst eyed girl stood up with her black leather bag on her shoulders.

Sakura stood up as well, a smile on her face for her last thought, and followed her best friend out.

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

_**March 14, Monday, 1:15 p.m.**_

**_Tomoeda Mall 2nd Floor Entrance_**

"Where do you wanna eat?" Syaoran asked Meiling as soon as numerous elegant looking restaurants welcomed them the moment they got it.

"Anywhere's fine," Meiling replied, still bummed by them being there.

"O-kay then," he replied with a smile.

They turned at a corner after refusing the series of fancy restaurants they passed by. Meiling moaned at her cousin's eagerness to find his so-called perfect choice of food to taste the delicacies of Japan the way he did many years back. Syaoran simply shrugged.

"Let's eat…" Syaoran, at last, was about to pick a place to eat when he was cut off by a cheery auburn haired girl with sad black eyes walking out of the nearest exit. _Kinomoto Sakura?_ he asked himself, his heart beating faster. He then started to run towards the exit as well, leaving Meiling behind unconsciously.

"Syaoran!" Meiling shouted at instinct. "Where are you going!"

Syaoran did not bother to answer the question and headed straight to follow the girl. "Kinomoto!" he shouted as he turned to avoid collision with a tall, potted plant.

The girl with her companion entered a taxi, a little too early for Syaoran to catch up with them.

"Did you hear something?" the girl asked her companion after she entered and closed the door.

"Uh… nope," the other one replied before the cab went on its way.

Syaoran bumped into two walking teenage girls who whooned at the sound of his voice apologizing and at the sight of his handsome face, which made him later than he already was. He ran as fast as he could but the moment he got at the exact spot where the cab once was, it was already gone.

"Why did you run like that!" Meiling shouted behind him, her hands in her knees, panting. "Why did leave me alone!"

Syaoran remained silent, his brain desperately flashing the girl's face over and over again in his mind. _Was it really her?_ he wondered to himself as he stared blankly at the empty space in front of him.

Meiling gathered all the strength left in her skinny body and shouted with all her might, "SYAORAN!" right in her cousin's face.

"God Meiling! What do you take me for? A deaf?" Syaoran complained, his hands over his ears as if it had just bursted at the sound of her voice.

"Well you weren't listening to me!" Meiling spat back.

"C'mon… let's go eat," Syaoran suggested as he started to walk back inside the mall.

"But you haven't answered me yet. Who were you running after?" Meiling repeated her question out of curiosity since he was already listening to her.

"Nothing. Let's go," Syaoran plainly told her, waving a hand for her to follow.

Meiling did not dare ask again, sensing that Syaoran doesn't want to talk about it and simply followed him in.

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_**March 14, Monday, 2:30 p.m.**_

**_TBC Conference Room 6th Floor_**

"Should we start?" Yamazaki suggested as soon as Tomoyo entered the room and took her seat.

"The center's president isn't here yet, sir," a girl with black hair answered politely.

"Ah yes…" Yamazaki muttered, his voice still a little loud to be heard.

A few minutes had passed and Sakura was already going impatient.

"You know what?" Sakura blurted, tapping the table to catch everybody's attention. "I think we should start now since our _dear_ president isn't professional enough to make it on time. We shouldn't be waiting for a…"

"A what?" a voice came from the door as a chestnut brown haired executive entered.

Everyone was silenced and heads turned to the door. Some of the staff whooned silently at the sight of his built body that suited perfectly with his long-sleeved, white polo, and green neck tie that contrasted with his golden amber eyes.

"Good afternoon everyone, I'm Mr. Li Syaoran," he introduced himself as he walked towards his rightful seat at the end of at long conference table across Yamazaki.

Sakura looked down, partly from embarrassment and partly from shock at the sound of his new boss' name. _Syaoran… _the dreaded name played back in her mind. _Shit…_

Syaoran looked at Sakura who he heard last talking about him being late. He wouldn't sue her since he _was_ late, but will probably will since he recognized her perfectly. _Sakura…_ he thought mischievously. _What a small country this is… Not to mention a nice 2 years._

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Okay that was it. They meet again. Hope you still liked it though. I apologize for grammar mistakes and misspellings. Reviews please!


	3. Her Game

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything…**

**Summary:**

_He loved her, she knew.  
__She loved him too, but she was scared…_  
…_so she lied about it.__  
After six years, admitting that she was still in love with him…_  
…_she struggles to forget.__  
After six years, they see each other again.__  
After six years…_  
…_they will continue where they left off…_

_Could they?_

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Never to Love Me

by: UreyEz13

_**Chapter 2: Her Game**_

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_**March 15, Tuesday, 7:32 a.m.  
**__**Tomoeda Broadcasting Center (TBC), Lobby, 1st Floor**_

Sakura sighed as the elevator door closed in front of her. Never again will she be late for work after what he happened the day before. _You should never point out one's wrong unless your sure you wouldn't do it yourself…_ it was like a broken record playing in her mind last night when she found it hard to sleep for the very first time.

"You look like you hadn't got enough sleep," a voice asked from behind her.

Being head means most of the people in the place knew you. Assuming that it was just another one of her peers, she answered politely without even bothering to turn around and see who it was. It was like any ordinary 'elevator conversation'.

"Yeah well, I just got a lot of things to disturb me last night…" she answered. It was more like a whisper.

"Things like?" it asked again. it sounded really curious, or if possible to call it that way, _nosy_.

Sakura shrugged, still not turning around. It seemed kinda stupid not to but she really did not feel to look at anyone right now that the only thing she could think of was seeing Syaoran march into the conference room for their early morning meeting with a mischievous grin on his face. "Our new boss for example," she retaliated without thinking.

"What about him?" the voice continued asking from behind her.

She sighed at the thought before reacting. "He's…" she was about to say something she would regret later when whoever-was-behind-her's curiosity hit her. It was then that she wondered why was whoever-he-was was asking all these questions.

Sakura slowly turned to face the unfortunate soul that ticked off a nerve before continuing her reply. "Why the hell are you even asking? It's none of your fu… g-good m-morning s-s-sir…" she was at first shouting out her bottled up anger and resentment when she realized that it was her boss himself who was talking to her. It was him who was asking all the curious questions. It was _Syaoran_ whom she had just taken out her annoyance on.

"Indeed this is a _very_ good morning Ms. Kinomoto-san…" Syaoran replied, his grin widening as his right hand ran through his hair.

The elevator stopped on the 6th floor with a loud 'DING!' and to Sakura's delight, Syaoran excused himself pass her to get off the mechanical transport and carrier of total bad luck.

"Excuse me… my floor," Syaoran whispered as he leans to Sakura's ear. He saw her quiver a little before she took a step aside.

_My floor? _she echoed his words in thought. _Second day and he already thinks he owns everything in here…_ Sakura remained silent as she moved to one side. She can feel her face burning up from embarrassment, partly from what she just told her boss and partly from Syaoran's warm breath on her ear. _How can I not recognize it was him?_ she cursed himself, nearly slapping herself in the head if she could. She kept her head bowed down to avoid any eye contact. She knew it would only make things worse for her.

Syaoran stepped out of the elevator but placed a hand on the side of the open compartment to prevent it from closing. "What floor do you work in?" he asked as if nothing happened.

Sakura gulped before she could answer. It was as if her voice was stuck to her throat and that she had suddenly gone mute. "E-Eight floor sir," she stammered an audible reply, her head still bowed down that her bangs covered her eyes.

"Hey, no need for formalities," Syaoran told her with a smile this time. "It's not like we just met."

Sakura was slightly taken aback by his actions. _First he's all arrogant, then friendly? What does he think he's doing playing with me… _she thought as she fought the urge to shout it all out again. This time, she looked up to meet his amber eyes staring at her.

"Be in my office at 9," he instructed professionally. Syaoran lifted Sakura's face higher to meet his gaze. He's hand on her chin, he face the warmth of her rosy cheeks. "Sakura," he added with a wider smile before removing his hand over the side of the elevator, allowing it to close.

Sakura let out a sigh of relief. It was like she wasn't breathing a single gram of air throughout her encounter with Syaoran. "Stupid piece of junk," she turned to blame the elevator as she stomped a foot on it. "What gives? Getting me into trouble so early in the morning…" she added like a little girl talking to an imaginary friend.

_Sakura-chan… _her name played back in her thoughts, the way Syaoran said it. _He never changed…_ it was as if she was confirming an earlier assumption as she stared back at her reflection from the elevator's mirror. She let out another sigh as she gazed deep into her black iris.

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_**March 15, Tuesday, 8:05 a.m.  
**__**Tomoeda Broadcasting Center (TBC), Recording Studio 1, 6th Floor**_

"Still no luck with searching for the new hit singer whatever?" Syaoran asked casually after he pushed open a glass door and got in.

Meiling sat in front of the one-way glass with headphones in her ears. She didn't seem to hear Syaoran come in, and for that matter what he said.

He tapped her shoulder when she did not turn and cocked an eyebrow as his cousin's disappointed face welcomed him. Even Ludwig Van Gogh would find difficulty painting Meiling's face at that point. "Anything wrong?" he mouthed at her.

Meiling eagerly removed the headphones with a sigh as if she had just been pulled out of purgatory and its promised cleansing torture. "What did I do wrong to deserve such karma?" she lamented tiredly.

"Is it really that bad?" Syaoran just had to ask. His cousin had a bad habit of exaggerating things. _Remember the time she panicked everyone when she screamed 'Xiao-Lang's dying!' when I got a paper cut… Mother nearly fainted…_ he reminded himself as he stared at his aggravated cousin.

Her expression changed into one of her why-are-you-staring-at-me-like-that look of hers as she arched one of her eyebrows. "Oh don't give me that look Xiao-Lang Li," she warned him. "I know that look. I am NOT exaggerating this time!"

Syaoran knew better than to insist what he thought. Meiling using 'Xiao-Lang Li' is a signal of a long lecture if he remained persistent. Instead, he grabbed the headphones and placed it on his own ears. He wanted proof nevertheless.

A vexatious sound of a woman's voice echoed through the poor, innocent headphones that Syaoran had to remove it form his ears even before he could completely place it over them.

_How could she even find the courage to approach us and audition with that voice? _a very mean thought hit him. It was reflexive to say the least. _Surely, nobody is THAT naïve…_ he added with a loathing face as he gawked at the lady, possibly in her twenty's, that was on the other side of the studio, singing.

"Still think I'm overreacting smarty-pants?" Meiling uttered with a victorious smile on her face. She knew she had proven her point.

Syaoran shuddered before he could answer her. "Fine. I wasn't aware such intolerable truth could've existed," he elaborated his own reaction.

"I think it would take me a week, at the least, to find a possible asset," Meiling elucidated as she ran a hand through her long black hair.

Syaoran sighed before walking towards the glass door again.

"Where are you going?" Meiling called out before Syaoran could open the door.

Syaoran turned back to face her looking in deep thought. "My office," he simply replied before completely going out, leaving Meiling alone with her agonizing work.

He walked briskly towards the elevator and hit the up button. If anyone was present in everything that happened with his morning, he seemed a little too cheerful for someone who had just received a bad oral report from one of his subordinates. He didn't seem to care that the station was finding it hard to look for a new hit. _Meiling's a big girl, I know she can do it,_ he told himself to take his mind off things.

When the elevator door opened he stepped in and hit the button that said 'Rooftop'. Foolishly smiling to himself, he whistled as he waited for the mechanical transport to reach his destination. He turned at the lift's mirror and grinned at himself. _Right now, my only concern is talking to Sakura again…_ he voiced in his thought. _I wonder how she's doing after all these years…_

Right then, the elevator halted to a stop with another one of it's loud 'DING!' as the metal door clanked open.

Syaoran stepped out and savored the rush of warm morning breeze that lashed through his face. Walking a few more steps towards the metal railing of the rooftop, he suddenly ceased his motion as he stared at a figure that was a few feet from where he was standing. He only made out the auburn hair blowing in the wind as the figure had its back on him. And yet he perfectly recognized who it was.

"Sakura?" he called her name aloud, his eyes scrunched because of the early morning sun.

The figure turned to face him, pitch black eyes showing through her pale skin. If Syaoran was not mistaken, her pink lips had just smiled at him and mouthed 'Hey'.

He continued walking towards the metal railings and halted at Sakura's side, leaning on the cold steel like she was.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here," he remarked as he turned his face towards hers.

**Sakura's P. O. V.**

I decided to head right for the rooftop after my little encounter with my new _boss_. I wasn't at all ready for work, and since it was still early, it wouldn't hurt to have some fresh air to rejuvenate myself.

Hitting the button that said 'Rooftop', I quickly pushed the close button when it opened to my suppose-to-be destination. Right now, I wanted to avoid any human contact. Any _other_ conversation for that matter…

I slowly stepped out of the lift when it opened after a loud 'DING!'. Just as I do at any ordinary day of me searching for serenity and solace, I headed straight for my any-ordinary-day spot right at the farthest part of the wide, open space. I leaned at the hard metal railing and gasped at the tingly sensation of eternal coldness the moment it made contact with my skin. It felt too frozen for a day in summer.

"Syaoran-kun…" I unconsciously muttered to no one in particular. It wouldn't hurt to lose myself in this place since nobody ever comes here besides me. Even Tomoyo-chan doesn't want to be anywhere near here. She says it's way too eerie for her taste. Anyway, this is the only place that offers me peace and solitude whenever I needed it. Here, I didn't need to look for solutions to any problem as I feel them unraveled without me doing anything. You can say that it offers up lies, but for me, being away from reality and from the world is the best sentimentality my little world of fantasy here could offer.

I closed my eyes and savored the mild gush of wind on my face. It felt so comforting that I just had to smile to no one in particular, for no particular reason.

It was as if by cue that a familiar voice suddenly called out my name. _When did he…_ I didn't even hear him come in. Of course, I turned to face him and since I am amidst my reinvigoration, I think I smiled at him and muttered 'Hey'. I should've known that him seeing me here would mean so much trouble for me. That him seeing me lost in my temporary tranquility would somehow tell him how vulnerable and transparent I am in here…

Something I didn't want anybody to know…

Something I didn't want _him_ to know…

I eyed him naively as he walked towards where I am, resuming only my interest to the view below of busy streets when he leaned against the railings as well, now at my side.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here," he remarked as he turned his face towards mine.

I did the same, a blank expression on my face. "We don't expect a lot of things," I simply replied before looking forward again.

I heard him chuckle at the my response. I guess it was a little too… cunning for an answer but it was no reason to laugh at me! Although, I was in no mood to ask why so I left him alone.

"As witty as I imagined you to be," he whispered. I could've sworn he did that a few centimeters from my ear. I can practically feel his warm breath right down to my neck. I involuntarily quivered at the gesture.

I remained silent as I could possibly be, ignoring the comment with hope that he would finally find it worthless to hang around here with me and simply leave.

To my dismay, he did not.

On the contrary, he remained at my side, still leaning on the cold metal railings and watched the busy street quietly just like I did. I couldn't say I found it annoying that he was there, antithetically, I barely even recognized his presence there.

"Syaoran-kun…" I whispered in a melancholic voice. Although I didn't mean to, I think I caught him off guard by my casualty and sense of closeness that I could've sworn he gaped for a nanosecond or so. I honestly didn't know why I called him that either. If you ask me, it was because of all the mind-fogging calmness going through my head.

"Hmm?" he somewhat managed to retain his coolness when he replied.

I smiled as I realized I have nothing to say to him. At this point, I didn't know why in the world didn't I go nervous or anything even close to it. I was completely calm to be exact and even I don't have an answer to why is that. "Ie… nandemonai (No, it's nothing)," I simply decided to reply. It was the only thing I could come up with at the moment.

There were so many things I want to tell him. So many bottled up feelings that was at any given time could drift all out from me. But I struggled to keep my mouth shut… after all, I wouldn't expect him to feel the same way he did years ago. I would only be feeling guilty then…

I heard him let out another chuckle. I ignored him yet again.

Somehow, all I cared about right now is that I am not alone anymore… Don't get me wrong! I certainly feel loved with Tomoyo-chan and Onii-chan around! It's just that, he's prescence seems to affect me differently… Blissfully different…

**Syaoran's P. O. V.**

"We don't expect a lot of things," she replied to my earlier remark before looking forward again.

I chuckled at her response. I swear I didn't mean to! It's just that, she reminded me of the Elder's riddling answers whenever we ask them anything. I think those bald hooded jerks would find their match with this one.

If I remember her correctly, if she was still the same old Sakura I know, she would be wise but would definitely pound a hammer on my head right then and there if she heard me chuckling at her reflexive response. I was preparing myself for a brutal come back but was slightly shocked when she did not even turn to face me with a glare.

"As witty as I imagined you to be," I whispered within a few good centimeters from her ear. I made sure she feel my breath right down to her neck. I hope I don't have bad breath or anything though. I just had to grin when she quivered at the gesture.

She remained silent, ignoring my comment. It was completely different from how I imagined she would react. Right then I wondered where the Sakura I used to know had gone off to…

Of course, I'm not as insensitive as I used to be when I was still a kid… before I met her at least. I took the hint and simply confined all the things I wanted to say. If you ask me, I think she wanted me to go away, but I'm as stubborn as she is, she could never sod me off just like that!

I wanted to hug her right then, I wanted to shout out how much I missed her… but I guess she wouldn't be ready for anything like that yet. After all, we parted ways in the worse possible manner… Don't get me wrong! It's not like I still _love_ her or anything… I just… I dunno… missed her?

Sissy? If I were you I wouldn't tell me…

And so I simply stood there. Right by her side… lost in all my thoughts…

"Syaoran-kun…" genuinely, I was started when he called me. Okay, it was more of a whisper but, she still uttered my name didn't she? I was mostly surprised by her sudden warmth towards me. I mean, she was formal in the elevator right? Nevertheless. I think I gaped at her, but of course I quickly composed myself again.

"Hmm?" it was all I could response to be able to retain my coolness. If I said more than that, I think I would've stammered.

When I turned to her, I was surprised - yet again - by her actions. She smiled! God forbid it! Hallelujah! But she smiled! To top it all off, she smiled at me! ME! … Okay, enough enthusiasm… It was just so weird that she did. I was really taken aback when her pink lips curved up a sweet smile for me…

For me…

It sounds right…

"Ie… nandemonai," she then simply replied.

At this moment, I couldn't hold back another chuckle. It was partly from how she acted but more of how I felt when she did it. I felt… light-hearted and weird…

After a few minutes of silence, she erected her ached back and as if on cue, a bright streak of the sun's ray hit her face and she looked as if she had just woken up from a very wonderful sleep. I watched her blink her eyes many times before she turned to me with a sudden pained expression on her face.

I was more puzzled than I ever was with this whole little encounter of ours.

I stared at her curiously as she bowed down low before leaving me with the last thing I thought I would be thinking about for god-knows-for-how-long!

"I'm sorry…" it came almost as a whisper to herself. After that, she walked away and went down with the elevator.

I stood there, stunned. I don't know if I can't move or I won't… The last thing I knew was that I was clenching on the steel railing with all my might. It was as if I was taking all my frustrations out on it…

_God Sakura… what are you doing to me…_

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**Okay… glad that's done! I guess this one turned out to be a little more serious… Newayz… all I could say is that I apologize for errors and that I love reviews! Please give me some hehe….**


	4. Irony

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything…**

**Summary:**

_He loved her, she knew.  
__She loved him too, but she was scared…  
_…_so she lied about it.  
__After six years, admitting that she was still in love with him…  
_…_she struggles to forget.  
__After six years, they see each other again.  
__After six years…  
_…_they will continue where they left off…  
Could they?_

"dialogues"  
_thoughts  
**new settings**_

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Never to Love Me

by: UreyEz13

**_Chapter 3: Irony_**

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_I'm sorry…_ Sakura replayed what she just said. Leaning on the mirrors of the elevator, she let out another sigh and clenched her hands on the metal railings bordering the lift. "Why did I even tell him that?" she asked herself with much pain and confusion.

Vulnerable. That's what she was at that serene place. That's the reason why she didn't want him there. It was what she was now contemplating on. She felt guilty leaving him with something to be bothered about. The last thing she wanted was Syaoran back into her life. It brought about just too many painful memories and regrets she didn't want to go back to.

The elevator opened at the eighth floor and Sakura sullenly walked out. She headed towards her office at the far end of the right hallway, glad that the others are still nowhere to be found. A warm streak of the sun welcomed her the moment she opened the door of her private office. Somehow, it made her feel she hadn't lost all hope yet.

Sakura headed straight for her revolving, leather chair. Slumping with another sigh, she pressed the answering machine on her table for any urgent message left there the day before.

The machine beeped and the messages played one after another.

_"I left the plot Yamazaki-kun wanted you to make a script on at your desk. He says he wants them by the end of next month," _Tomoyo's voice echoed inside her room. _"And oh, don't worn yourself out too much okay, Sakura-chan? Loves you!" _it continued before the machine beeped again to signal the end of the message.

Sakura smiled at her best friend's concern. _Typical Tomoyo-chan,_ she thought with overflowing gratitude as she took the envelope of the documents Tomoyo left for her, only to dump it with the other files she received the whole week. She had looked after her ever since elementary days and she was her lifetime best friend. She wouldn't have made it through all the hard times if she wasn't there.

_"Hope you got the plot. Promise me you'll get it done on time. Please!" _Yamazaki's voice echoed next. He sounded stressed from all the deadlines people up the organization chart gives him, not to mention the fact that there are only a handful of scriptwriters now in the company.

_"Left you an umbrella Sakura-chan, in case you need one. Ja ne!" _This time, it was her friend Chiharu. She was also one of her childhood friends and the cheery lady had a weird relationship with Yamazaki. No one can quite figure them out. She was just more than happy to have people caring for her.

All the other messages were from her brother, wondering where she had gone off. She and Tomoyo decided to have dinner together last night and she forgot to phone him. As always, being the overprotective brother he is, she got a long and boring sermon when she got home. She usually dismisses all of them by answering: _"I'm a big girl onii-chan, I can take care of myself."_ - which Touya didn't like.

Sakura was about to shut the answering machine off, having enough of her brother's landline lectures, when a strong and deep voice halted her from what she was about to do. She knew the voice all too well to recognize it.

_"Good evening Mistress,"_ it echoed in her room like a visitor's fresh voice. _"The Elders have told me to call you. I know no one's in your room right now so, I assumed it would be best to call now. They said they'd pay you a visit tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. I hope you're doing fine…"_ It was like an apathetic announcement on the radio, yet, she felt the slight expression of worry.

Sakura let out the breath she was holding for the whole duration of the message. She leaned back at her seat, giving all her weight to the backrest and started to twirl around. "Yukito-san…" she whispered with slight dismay. She wanted to hear from him but not the way she just did. Yukito was a friend of the family but was forced to work for the Elders when he turned eighteen. It was a sad fate, but the wise young man accepted it nevertheless.

_They said they'd pay you a visit tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. _Recalling the message in her head, Sakura looked at the digital wall clock across her and growled under her breath when she saw it flashing 8:59 am. _I guess I wouldn't have to wait that long…_ she remarked helplessly.

Three hooded figures appeared before her in a swirl of lights the moment the clock displayed 9:00 am for the very first time. It was just like the Elders to be right on time.

"I didn't know you use phones now," Sakura greeted them with a sneer. She didn't like the idea of talking to the very people who wants to control every bit of her life, to ruin it for that matter.

They ignored her disrespectful welcome - probably used to it - and simply walked towards her. "It's been a very long time, Ms. Kinomoto-san," one of them said in their cold, trademark voice.

Sakura scowled. "Yeah, too bad," she replied with abounding sarcasm.

Again, the Elders simply ignored the uncalled-for comment and halted just a few feet from Sakura's seat.

Sakura revolved the other way around and stared outside the human-sized, glass window of her office. "What do you want?" she demanded with evident distaste.

"We want you to resign," another one of them said, although, it seems impossible to distinguish who says who with their uniform voices and dead-like tones.

Sakura snapped her seat back to face them, now standing just a few inches lower than the hooded figures. She glared at them for a few seconds before responding. "Is it because he's back?" she interrogated, her eyes now hiding in the shadow of her auburn hair.

"You know just as well as we do how you can destroy the bright future of the Li Clan's heir," one of the Elders explained, his tone firmer than ever. "We cannot afford any distraction for him."

"How am I a distraction?" Sakura asked, annoyed.

"We have already told you how, six years ago," he continued to answer her every question. "Re-agitating will just be a waste of time, Ms. Kinomoto-san."

_Yeah, and that's why you gave me this stupid curse…_ Sakura gritted her teeth. She had worked hard to attain what she has now, and she was not about to give it all up just because somebody says she should. "Reality check! That was six years ago, goddamn it! He doesn't feel _anything _for me anymore so, get over your fucking, out-of-the-box ideas!" It came out all at the same time. What the Elders made her do six years ago caused her so much pain and guilt that up until now, whenever she sees Syaoran, her conscience nags her like a restless spirit, demanding for some peace and quiet amidst the impure culture of today.

Sakura panted to calm herself down. Her eyes that were now sparkling from the water that dared to come out from them hid again behind the shadow of her now disheveled hair. The pain she felt years ago, which she thought she had already overcome, returned at a snap of a finger. _Funny… It took me years to surmount, but a few seconds to remember._

She let out a small chuckle before she was able to say anything else. "You're just wasting your time with me," she told them apathetically. "I'm not going to resign and that's that." It was a decision she knew she could probably regret afterwards. It was something that could cause her another one of their selfish curses, but she could care less. She turned her back at them again and smiled to herself with contentment. Right now, all she cared about was keeping her job and not letting her friends, who counted on her, down.

The Elders didn't say another word and simply disappeared in the same bright lights. They were used to insolent and stubborn subjects that Sakura's outburst didn't came as a surprise. One way or another, they knew they'd get what they wanted.

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_**March 15, Tuesday, 9:25 a.m.  
**__**Tomoeda Broadcasting Center (TBC), President's Office, 12th Floor**_

Sakura walked cautiously towards her new boss' office. He told her earlier to report there at nine, but her meeting with the Elders took longer that expected, and now, she's late.

Syaoran's sweet but manly scent filled her nostrils the moment she opened the door. Her secretary told her he was expecting her and gestured her to enter, which she did.

"Sorry I'm late, sir…" she told him in a whisper. She was exhausted from all the shouting she did and was embarrassed to be eating the words she said in their first encounter.

Syaoran's revolving, velvet chair was turned towards the window, but Sakura knew he was there. "Nande?" he asked like any higher official would when subordinates are late for meetings.

"I got caught up in some things," Sakura simply answered. She was told Syaoran knew about the Elders, but they told her not to tell him _she_ knew about them too. There was no way she's going to get herself in more trouble than she's already in.

"What things?" Syaoran continuously interrogated. This time, he sounded more curious.

Sakura raced for an answer. "Uh… Deadlines," she simply told him one of her white lies.

Syaoran spun his seat to face her. His hands were clasped together on top of the armrests and were covering his mouth. His eyes were slightly dimmed and were staring straight at Sakura.

She quivered under the cold gaze and breath in deeply before averting her eyes.

"Sakura," Syaoran started. His voice was now softer and his eyes were staring milder. He lowered his hands from his face and placed then on top of his desk instead.

Sakura looked at him again and hesitated to speak. "H-Hai?" she stammered.

"Have a seat," Syaoran instructed her.

She slowly walked towards one of the chairs in front of his desk and sat at one of them. Her head was bowed down and her eyes were now hiding behind the silhouette of her hair. It was a mannerism of hers whenever her surroundings get intense or when she has her feelings all bottled up, not wanting to talk about it.

They remained silent for a few minutes and no one dared say anything. Syaoran had planned to ask her how she was doing after all these years when he told her to stop by his office in their little 'elevator encounter'. But after what happened on the rooftop, he thought that maybe, he wasn't in the right position to ask her such question. They _did_ have a past. But the past is nothing more that a memory and the present is what they are now. There was something inside of him that told him he cannot bring the past back anymore. Even their past as simple friends.

The intensity of the situation was eerie and heavy. It choked their voices out of them that even though their minds had been thrashing about with so much to say, neither a whimper nor a sigh dared escape their lips.

Sakura gulped. She had been preparing herself for the moment as she walked towards his office and it would be a shame if she doesn't say anything. "Ano…" she started, watching Syaoran look up to her at the corner of her eye. She wanted to talk to him, but looking straight at his golden, amber eyes is a different thing. "G-Gomena-"

"Don't say that," Syaoran cut her off intently. It was obvious that what Sakura told him earlier in the rooftop bother him. The silhouette of his disheveled hair now covered his eyes and his lips formed a thin line.

Sakura was slightly taken a back, although, she understood him perfectly. She left him with an out-of-place response and she couldn't blame him if he would never want to talk to her again. Frankly, that's what she wanted him to do. It would be easier for both of them if he gets mad and never speak another word to her. Only then, could she keep her job.

"Why do you keep saying that, Sakura?" he asked, his voice apathetic. He stood up from his chair when he didn't receive any reply and walked towards her.

Sakura couldn't find the right words to explain. She told him that because she was guilty from what she did six years ago. But if that would be her answer, she would be forced to elaborate everything from the curse, the fact the she knew the Elders, up to the meeting they had that morning before she went to his office, which she didn't want to do… she _can't_ do.

She hid her eyes yet again and didn't move an inch.

Syaoran, who was now standing right in front of her, grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to stand up. His action made Sakura look up with wide eyes and constricted pupils. She felt slight pain from his firm grip and nervousness from manner she was pulled up to her feet. Never had she seen that side of Syaoran and it scared the hell out of her that it became more impossible for her to speak. It was as if she completely lost her voice.

"Sakura…" he said in a whisper, removing his hands from her shoulder the moment he was sure she had stood up on her own two feet - literally. He placed one of his now free hands over her waist and the other at her back. He pulled her closer and held her tightly into a hug.

At that moment, Syaoran knew he feels something for her more than the fact that he greatly missed her. It was ironic how he thought his two-year stay at the country would be fun and how he thought all his feelings for her have already worn out after all the years, when in fact, they wouldn't. In a split second of contemplating with the unfathomable pain and longing, all emotions came back to him and shut the door behind them, never to leave again.

Sakura's eyes closed in comfort and in agony. Her brows furrowed and she bit her lower lip until it bled to force the tears that threatened to fall back to where they came from. The last thing she wanted to show him was her shattering from all emotions.

"Syaoran-kun…" she couldn't stop him name from escaping her lips as the warm and salty tears she work so hard to suppress finally trickled down her beet red cheeks.

Indeed, it seems like an immature gesture, something high school students would normally find themselves into, but they both could care less. There was no one else in the room, and the privacy the place offered was enigmatic bliss. It let out the child in them they longed for to release.

At this, Syaoran's hug tightened even more. He remained in silence for a few minutes and fought the urge inside of him to shout how much he missed her and how he doesn't want her to leave.

Sakura squirmed at the effort to break free from his hold. In her head something screamed that what they were doing is wrong, even though all they did was hug.

"Matte…" Syaoran whispered to her as he held her even tighter - if it was even possible - that his knuckles turned white. "Please, let's stay this way even for just a few more minutes." His voice sounded as if it was pleading.

Sakura was caught in an unwanted situation, and something in his voice told her to listen. Finally resting her head on his chest, she fought the desire to place her own arms around him and kept them at her side. Hearing Syaoran's weak heartbeat, she let out a sigh of torment. One thing kept ringing in her head. Now, at the precise moment, she knew the Elders were right. She now know what to do… what she _must_ do… _resign_.

_It would be for the best…_

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**Another sad-like chapter… I'm getting too used to it I guess… besides, I think it's suppose to be sad… in a way. Hope you like this chapter, guys. I had a hard time writing it, actually. It really took a lot out of me. Well… please review! Constructive criticisms are welcome, but please, no flames? oh, and sorry if it sucked and also for possible mis-spellings and grammar errors, english is only a second language to me. thank you!**


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